life needs a soundtrack

it really does, honest. i coulda used one this afternoon. as it was, i had to make do with the dialogue of my coaches. most of which consisted of a high amount of frustration and anger. which was alright, it reflected what i was feeling.

ive always been under the impression that one strives for glory, fights foes outside and wrestles with demons inside. the hero either overcomes these foes, of which he himself is often one, and rides to victory, or he fails, and becomes a tragic hero doomed to be forgotten and lost to memory.

in my own small little battle today, neither of these occured. instead, i merely succeeded in not failing. for the whole afternoon, i strove to conquer the mind and body and took a leaps of faith trusting in my own strength, the laws of physics, and the abundant grace of God. (the last is proved by the fact i went home uninjured.) and did i succeed in my goal? no. did i fail? no. at the end of the day, i was merely given a ray of hope that i can succeed after all, eventually.

this is quite annoying.

i know what at least some of you are thinking: the struggle isnt over. which is true, thats over june 4th. (state track meet if you havent caught on yet im talking about pole vaulting.) then, if not before, it will be decided whether i win or lose. yet i came very close to losing today, and each day from now till then will run that risk. it always has, its true. but ive never been this close. now its make it or break it, and the line between those two is razor thin.

you know, looking at all the things ive truly wanted to accomplish, ive never experienced failure, never really have even been close. ive failed tests, but i got into college easily. ive failed to practice, but im still good at cello. now, ive practiced with all my heart at vaulting, and i face failure.

but will i fail?

no chance in hell